I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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