I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
