i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
