just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
