Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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