I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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