and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
