if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
