one two three fourrrrnication!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize