420 ftw
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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