I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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