Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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