I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
