I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize