She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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