I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
