It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
