so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
