i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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