Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
