Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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