Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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