She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
