So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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