so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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