so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize