Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
