I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
