I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
