You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
