if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize