I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
