I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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