I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
