should my penis look like a turkey
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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