I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
