I wish my penis had an off switch
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
