Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
