I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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