you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
