took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
