new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
