Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
