The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
