i just google imaged poop.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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