He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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