i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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