I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
