i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
we should paint friendship bongs
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