Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
