You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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