I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
