WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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