pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
