So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
