I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize