So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
