Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
