her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
