Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
