Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
