he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
