I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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