That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
