dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
