Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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