he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
