Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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