Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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