my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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